From past 5 months, I really don't know what I want in life. All these years, I knew what I wanted and achieved the same. Now, it looks as if things are slipping out of my hands. Opportunities not coming my way. Everyone deceiving me or getting me wrong.
Am I expecting too much ? Whenever I ask this question to myself, I feel, the answer is "NO". It's not that because I want to think in my favour. But I know that's not the case.
If this is not the case, then I guess I am born unlucky. Somehow I don't want to accept this fact too.
Mumma says you should not have too many expectations but I know my expectations are not too many. Infact they even sound quite realistic but can someone explain me why even not the simplest wishes getting fulfilled ? Is God angry on me ? Can he tell me why ?
Some think I must have not worked harder. I do not agree with them completely. I worked harder till I wished, wanted and could do. If I don't like working hard for something, somebody tell me till what extent shall I force my interest on that particular subject ?
I feel, a year back, I knew what will be the outcome - which I fondly say now " I Don't Know ". There was no way out to avoid this. I had two options and both led me to the same. So I chose the one where I had a little advantage of making someone happy. But What did I achieve and would like to ask the same person Whom I made happy, Who said I made the right decision ( as if I could avoid it ), Who showed me dreams of bright future prospects - What did he gain ?
Anyways, that person may or may not answer but I know - Neither I achieved anything nor did the other person gained.
One thing is for sure , I am not the kind of person who always like to sit back and watch.
I want to start again and get back to the same pace. This time much farther or atleast on the same tracks with others so that the feeling of being left out will be removed.
The problem is " I Don't Know " from where to start as I have nothing in hand at present or what I have is not what I had wished for.
When this period of turmoil will get over ?
When again the feeling of satisfaction will prevail on my mind ?
My mind is not at rest. Though I feel sleepy, I don't get sleep.
Hope my situation gets sorted out soon but even I know, its going to take time.
When is the right time coming my way ?
Can someone answer this question for me ?
2 comments:
Dear Anu,
I am not aware of the real situation of the things you have mentioned out here but one thing I know for sure that this phase is temporary. However, expecting life to treat you well because you are a good person is like expecting an angry bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.
To close I would quote something from your orkut profile :
(My Philosophy In Life-
"EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR OUR OWN GOOD".
Therefore,
Keep Smiling!
Give Your Best Efforts
&
Take Life As It Comes. ) Just believe in this :)
As you step into another year of your life, I wish the best of happiness and success in the years to come and yes do let me know if I can be of any help.
Happy Birthday Dear Friend !!!
Lots of love and wishes,
Santosh
i beleive this was posted by you in the month of April........ nothing to say dear.... just go through the post once again........ feel the difference and u will realise its about different phases of life........ not sure how much these words matters to you but just be urself & that makes all the difference.
Good times and bad times are there for every one but its about how much you learn out of ur experience, mistakes are what u call experience and this experince leads u to success, nothing to get so upset about all thse........ all in the learning phase.
Only thing negative about this is the word "who" dont who the hell is he but sumone who has misguided you......... i would say thats another mistake of yours...... need to learn who matters to you in this world and identify those who really feel good for you or feel happy ven you rise.
I wish i had read these posts some 8-9 months back.... may be would have been of much help to you, any ways dear remember one just problem is common to every one but it is the attitude that makes all the difference, not just another LABEL but sumthing to follow in life.
I know u r a kind of person who would love to speak to her diary but............ nothing to say. best of luck for ur future
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