The story of appraisals....

There was once a washer man who had a donkey and a dog. One night when the whole world was sleeping, a thief broke into the house, the washer man was fast asleep too but the donkey and the dog were awake. The dog decided not to bark since the master did not take good care of him and wanted to teach him a lesson.

The donkey got worried and said to the dog that if he doesn't bark, the donkey will have to do something himself. The dog did not change his mind and the donkey started braying loudly.

Hearing the donkey bray, the thief ran away, the master woke up and started beating the donkey for braying in the middle of the night for no reason.

Moral of the story “One must not engage in duties other than his own"

Now take a new look at the same story...

The washer man was a well educated man from a premier management institute. He had the fundas of looking at the bigger picture and thinking out of the box. He was convinced that there must be some reason for the donkey to bray in the night.. He walked outside a little and did some fact finding, applied a bottom up approach, figured out from the ground realities that there was a thief who broke in and the donkey only wanted to alert him about it. Looking at the donkey's extra initiative and going beyond the call of the duty, he rewarded him with lot of hay and other perks and became his favorite pet.
The dog's life didn't change much, except that now the donkey was more motivated in doing the dog's duties as well. In the annual appraisal the dog managed "ME" (Met Expectations) .

Soon the dog realized that the donkey is taking care of his duties and he can enjoy his life sleeping and lazing around.

The donkey was rated as “star performer". The donkey had to live up to his already high performance standards.
Soon he was over burdened with work and always under pressure and now is looking for a NEW JOB ... !!!!

All characters in the story are not at all imaginary.
Any resemblance to person living or dying of work is
purely intentional

Do not stick with one job for a long time!

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.


The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on
the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.


For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said:


"Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the hell out of me!".


The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap
would scare you so much."


The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first
day as a cab driver - I've been driving a van carrying dead Bodies for last
25 years...


MORAL: Do not stick with one job for a long time!

Know Your Value

A well-known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a Rupee 500 note.

In the room of 200, he asked, "Who would like this Rupee 500 note?"

Hands started going up. He said, "I am going to give this note to one of you but first let me do this." He proceeded to crumple the note up.

He then asked, "Who still wants it?"

Still the hands were up in the air. "Well," he replied, "What if I do this?" And he dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now all crumpled and dirty. "Now who still wants it?" Still the hands went into the air.

"My friends, you have all learned a very valuable lesson. No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth Rupee 500/-.
Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We feel as though we are worthless. But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value.
You are special. Don't ever forget it! Never let yesterday's disappointments overshadow tomorrow's dreams.

"VALUE HAS A VALUE ONLY IF ITS VALUE IS VALUED"

Woodcutter

Once upon a time a very strong woodcutter asked for a job with a timber merchant, and he got it.

His salary was really good and so were the working conditions.

For that reason, the woodcutter was determined to do his best.

His boss gave him an axe and showed him the area where he was supposed to fell the trees.

The first day, the woodcutter brought down 15 trees."Congratulations, the boss said. "Carry on with your work! "Highly motivated by the words of his boss, the woodcutter tried harder the next day, but he only could bring 10 trees down. The third day he tried even harder, but he was only able to bring down 7 trees. Day after day he was bringing lesser number of trees down."I must be losing my strength", the woodcutter thought.

He went to the boss and apologized, saying that he could not understand what was going on.

"When was the last time you sharpened your axe?" the boss asked."Sharpen? I had no time to sharpen my axe. I have been very busy trying to cut trees..." That's right.Most of us NEVER update our skills. We think that whatever we have learned is very much enough. But good is not good when better is expected.

Sharpening our skills from time to time is the key to success.One cannot expect success tomorrow, by working today with yesterday's tools...

Guess what BOSS asked

A junior manager, a senior manager and their Boss are on their way to a meeting.

On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp.

They rub the lamp and a ghost appears.

The ghost says, "Normally,one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each".

So the eager Junior manager shouted, I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas , on a fast boat and have no worries."Pfufffff, and he has gone.

Now the Senior manager could not keep quiet and shouted " I want to be in Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails."Pfufffff , and he has also gone.

Now its Turn of there Boss........Guess wht he asked.................The boss calmly said," I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch at 1.30pm "

Moral of the story is:
"Always allow the bosses to speak first"

Warren Buffet's letter for New Year 2009

We begin this New Year with dampened enthusiasm and dented optimism. Our happiness is diluted and our peace is threatened by the financial illness that has infected our families, organizations and nations.

Everyone is desperate to find a remedy that will cure their financial illness and help them recover their financial health. They expect the financial experts to provide them with remedies, forgetting the fact that it is these experts who created this financial mess.

Every new year, I adopt a couple of old maxims as my beacons to guide my future. This self-prescribed therapy has ensured that with each passing year, I grow wiser and not older. This year, I invite you to tap into the financial wisdom of our elders along with me, and become financially wiser.

Hard work: All hard work brings profit; but mere talk leads only to poverty.
Laziness: A sleeping lobster is carried away by the water current.
Earnings: Never depend on a single source of income.
Spending: If you buy things you don 't need, you 'll soon sell things you need.
Savings: Don 't save what is left after spending; spend what is left after saving.
Borrowings: The borrower becomes the lender 's slave.
Accounting: It 's no use carrying an umbrella, if your shoes are leaking.
Auditing: Beware of little expenses; a small leak can sink a large ship.
Risk-taking: Never test the depth of the river with both feet.Investment: Don 't put all your eggs in one basket.

I 'm certain that those who have already been practicing these Principles remain financially healthy. I 'm equally confident that those who resolve to start practicing these principles will quickly regain their financial health.Let us become wiser and lead a happy, healthy, prosperous and Peaceful life.

Warren Buffet

OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

Being busy does not always mean real work. The object of all work is production.

An Interview

Technical Skill is the mastery of complexity, while Creativity is the master of presence of mind.....confused...yes i am also confused...check how it is.....:)

Once in a interview............

Interviewer asked a boy "I shall either ask you ten easy questions or one really difficult question. Think well before you make up your mind. "

The boy thought for a while and said, "my choice is one really difficult question."

"Well, good luck to you, you have made your own choice!

Now tell me this, "What comes first, Day or Night?"

The boy was jolted into reality as his admission depends on the correctness of his answer, but he thought for a while and said, "It's the DAY sir!"

"How" the interviewer asked,

"Sorry sir, you promised me that you will not ask me a SECOND difficult question!"

He was selected for IIM!

The IIM Way Of Learning Marketing

Professor at IIM C was explaining marketing concepts:

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I am very rich. Marry me!"
That's Direct Marketing.

You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, "He's very rich. Marry him."
That's Advertising.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day you call and say "Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me."
That's Telemarketing.

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink. You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then say, "By the way, I'm very rich. Will you marry me?"
That's Public Relations.

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says, "You are very rich."
That's Brand Recognition.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I'm rich. Marry me" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.
That's Customer Feedback!!!!!

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I am very rich. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband.
That's demand and supply gap.

Three Envelopes

A fellow had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high techcorporation.

The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and presented him with three numbered envelopes. "Open one of these if you runup against a problem you don't think you can solve," he said.

Well, things went along pretty smoothly, but six months later, sales took a downturn and he was really catching a lot of heat. About at his wit's end,he remembered the envelopes. He went to his drawer and took out the first envelope. The message read, "Blame your predecessor." The new CEO called a press conference and tactfully laid the blame at the feet of the previous CEO. Satisfied with his comments, the press and Wall Street responded positively, sales began to pick up and the problem was soon behind him.

About a year later, the company was again experiencing a slight dip in sales, combined with serious product problems. Having learned from his previous experience, the CEO quickly opened the second envelope. The message read, "Reorganize." This he did, and the company quickly rebounded.

After several consecutive profitable quarters, the company once again fell on difficult times. The CEO went to his office, closed the door and opened the third envelope. The message said, "Prepare three envelopes."

Virus

There is a dangerous virus being passed around electronically, orally, and By hand. This virus is called Worm-Overload-Recreational-Killer (WORK).

If you receive WORK from any of your colleagues, your boss, or anyone else Via any means DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your private life Completely.

If you should come into contact with WORK put your jacket on and take two Good friends to the nearest grocery store. Purchase the antidote known as Work-Isolating-Neutralizer-Extract (WINE) or Bothersome-Employer-Elimination-Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote Repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.

You should forward this warning to 5 friends. If you do not have 5 friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.

Corporate Standards

1."We will do it" means" You will do it"

2."You have done a great job" means" More work to be given to you"

3."We are working on it" means" We have not yet started working on the same"

4."Tomorrow first thing in the morning" means" Its not getting done "At least not tomorrow!".

5."After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views" means" I have already decided, I will tell you what to do"

6."There was a slight miscommunication" means" We had actually lied"

7."Lets call a meeting and discuss" means" I have no time now, will talk later"

8."We can always do it" means" We actually cannot do the same on time"

9."We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline" means "The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time."

10."We had slight differences of opinion "means" We had actually fought"

11."Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can help you"means" Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me"

12."You should have told me earlier" means" Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!"

13."We need to find out the real reason" means" Well I will tell you where your fault is"

14."Well Family is important, your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected," means," Well you know..."

15."We are a team," means," I am not the only one to be blamed"

16."That's actually a good question" means "I do not know anything about it"

17."All the Best" means" You are in trouble"

Boss & You

Lesson1:-A sales rep, an administration clerk and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish." "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Puff! She's gone. "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Puff! He's gone. "OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 2:-An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?" The eagle answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 3:-A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story: Bull crap might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there!

Is there a problem ?

One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus, and drove off along the route. No problems for the first few stops - a few people got on, a few got off, and things went generally well.

At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on. Six feet eight,built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground. He glared at the driver and said, "Big John doesn't pay!" and sat down at the back.

Did I mention that the driver was five feet three, thin, and basically meek? Well, he was. Naturally, he didn't argue with Big John, but he wasn't happy about it. The next day the same thing happened - Big John got on again, made a show of refusing to pay, and sat down. And the next day, and the next.

This grated on the bus driver, who started losing sleep over the way Big John was taking advantage of him. Finally he could stand it no longer. He signed up for body building courses, karate, judo, and all that good stuff.

By the end of the summer, he had become quite strong; what's more, he felt really good about himself. So on the next Monday, when Big John once again got on the bus and said, "Big John doesn't pay!"

The driver stood up, glared back at the passenger, and screamed, "And why not? "

With a surprised look on his face, Big John replied, "Big John has a bus pass ."

Management Lesson:
"Be sure there is a problem in the first place before working hard to solve one."