General: June 2008

Saturday, June 28, 2008

1. Build your inner strength

2. Overcome adversity

3. Enhance your relationships

4. Be the person you always wanted to be

5. Eliminate self defeating beliefs and behavior

6. know what you can and make most of it.

7. Carry yourself with clarity and confidence

8. overcome obstacles which are restricting your success.

9. uncover and pinpoint your strengths

10.presenting better who you are

11.Become judgement proof

12.Make relationships much better

13.Build absolute confidence when making choices

14.Maximize your personal and professional success

Waqt Nahi

Har khushi Hai Logon Ke Daman Mein,
Par Ek Hansi Ke Liye Waqt Nahi.
Din Raat Daudti Duniya Mein,
Zindagi Ke Liye Hi Waqt Nahi.

Maa Ki Loree Ka Ehsaas To Hai,
Par Maa Ko Maa Kehne Ka Waqt Nahi.
Saare Rishton Ko To Hum Maar Chuke,
Ab Unhe Dafnane Ka Bhi Waqt Nahi.

Saare Naam Mobile Mein Hain,
Par Dosti Ke Lye Waqt Nahi.
Gairon Ki Kya Baat Karen,
Jab Apno Ke Liye Hi Waqt Nahi.

Aankhon Me Hai Neend Badee,
Par Sone Ka Waqt Nahi.
Dil Hai Ghamon Se Bhara Hua,
Par Rone Ka Bhi Waqt Nahi.

Paison ki Daud Me Aise Daude,
Ki Thakne ka Bhi Waqt Nahi.
Paraye Ehsason Ki Kya Kadr Karein,
Jab Apane Sapno Ke Liye Hi Waqt Nahi.

Tu Hi Bata E Zindagi,
Iss Zindagi Ka Kya Hoga,
Ki Har Pal Marne Walon Ko,
Jeene Ke Liye Bhi Waqt Nahi.

How A Son/Daughter Thinks Of His/Her Daddy At Different Ages :

At 4 Years My daddy is great.

At 6 Years My daddy knows everything.

At 10 Years My daddy is good but is short tempered.

At 12 Years My daddy was very nice to me when I was young .

At 14 Years My daddy is getting fastidious.

At 16 Years My daddy is not in line with the current times.

At 18 Years My daddy is becoming increasingly cranky.

At 20 Years Oh! Its becoming difficult to tolerate daddy. Wonder how Mother puts up with him.

At 25 Years Daddy is objecting to everything.

At 30 Years It's becoming difficult to manage my son. I was so scared of my father when I was young.

At 40 Years Daddy brought me up with so much discipline. Even I should do the same.

At 45 Years I am baffled as to how my daddy brought us up.

At 50 Years My daddy faced so many hardships to bring us up. I am unable to manage a single son.

At 55 Years My daddy was so far sighted and planned so many things for us.He is one of his kind and unique.

At 60 YearsMy daddy is great.

Thus, it took 56 years to complete the cycle and come back to the 1st stage.

Realize the true value of your parents before its too late .

Funny Applications

Collection of leave letters and applications written by people
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An employee applied for leave as follows:

"Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave."
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From an employee who was performing the first haircut ceremony of his 10 year old son:

"As I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days"
----------
Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding:

"As I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."
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"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave."
----------
An employee applied for half day leave as follows:

"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave"
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"I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday."
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A leave letter to a headmaster:

"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"
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Another leave letter written to a headmaster:

"As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day."
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Covering note: "I am enclosed herewith..."
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Another one:

"Dear Sir: With reference to the above, please refer to my below..."
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Actual letter written for application of leave:

"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".
----------
Right words, wrong usage...

"I am in well here and hope you are also in the same well."
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And here is the ULTIMATE ONE:

"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both (!!) for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am applying for the post.

Put The Glass Down Today

A professor began his class by holding up a glass with some water in it.

He held it up for all to see; asked the students,' How much do you think this glass weighs?'

'50gms!' .... '100gms!' ......'125gms' ......the students answered.

'I really don't know unless I weigh it,' said the professor,'but, my question is: What would happen if I held it up like this for a few minutes?'

'Nothing' the students said.

'Ok what would happen if I held it up like this for an hour? ' the professor asked.

'Your arm would begin to ache' said one of the students.

'You're right, now what would happen if I held it for a day?'

'Your arm could go numb, you might have severe muscle stress; paralysis;

Have to go to hospital for sure!'ventured another student; all the students laughed.

'Very good. But during all this, did the weight of the glass change? ' asked the professor.

'No' the students said.

Then what caused the arm ache & the muscle stress?'

The students were puzzled.

'Put the glass down!' said one of the students.

'Exactly!' said the professor.' Life's problems are something like this.

Hold it for a few minutes in your head; they seem OK.

Think of them for a long time & they begin to ache. Hold it even longer & they begin to paralyze you. You will not be able to do anything.

It's important to think of the challenges (problems) in your life, but
EVEN MORE IMPORTANT to 'put them down' at the end of every day before you go to sleep.

That way, you are not stressed, you wake up every day fresh & strong & can handle any issue, any challenge that comes your way!'

Remember to 'PUT THE GLASS DOWN TODAY!

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Why Bill Gates decides to Sell OFF Microsoft?

Letter from Banta Singh to Mr. Bill Gates

Subject: Problems with my new computer

Dear Mr. Bill Gates, We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice.

1. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. We request you to check this.

2. One doubt is whether any 're-scooter' is available in system? I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.

3. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot to trace the key with this 'find' button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.

4. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when you will provide that?

5. I bought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows 'My Computer': when you will povide the remaining items?

6. It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is not even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.

7. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the PC at home only.

8. You provided 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past Documents'?

9. You provide 'My Network Places'. For God sake please do not provide 'My Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.

Regards,
Banta

Last one to Mr. Bill Gates:
Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but you are selling WINDOWS?

Sunday, June 15, 2008

See If You Can Figure Out What These Words Have In Common.......

Banana
Dresser
Grammar
Potato
Revive
Uneven
Voodoo

Are You Peeking Or Have You Already Given Up?

Give It Another Try....

OK... Here You Go... Hope You Didn't Cheat.

This Is Cool.

SCROLL DOWN

Answer:
In all of the words listed, if you take the first letter, place it at the end of the word, and then spell the word backwards, it will be the same word.

Did you figure it out?

OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

Once upon a time there was an island, where all the feelings lived together.
One day there was storm in the sea and the island was about to get drawn.
Every feeling was scared but Love made a boat to escape.
Every feeling boarded the boat. 1 feeling was left .Love got down to to see who it was.
It was EGO.
Love tried and tried but ego wasn't moving and also the water was rising.
Every one asked love to leave him and come in the boat, but love was made to love.
At last all the feelings escape and Love dies with ego on the island..

The Bitter Truth
Love Dies Because of EGO.

A little mouse living on a farm was looking through a crack in the wall one day and saw the farmer and his wife opening a package.

The mouse was intrigued by what food the package may contain. He was aghast to discover that it was a mouse trap.

The mouse ran to the farmyard warning everyone "there is a mouse trap in the house, there is a mouse trap in the house."

The chicken raised her head and said "Mr Mouse, I can tell you this trap is a grave concern to you, but it has no consequence to me and I cannot be bothered with it."

The mouse turned to pig "I am so very sorry Mr Mouse, but the trap is no concern of mine either."

The mouse then turned to the bull, "sounds like you have a problem Mr Mouse, but not one that concerns me."

The mouse returned to the house, head down and dejected that no one would help him or was concerned about his dilemma.

He new he had to face the trap on his own. That night the sound of a trap catching it's prey was heard throughout the house.

The farmer's wife rushed to see what was caught. In the darkness she could not see that it was a venomous snake who's tail the trap had caught.

The snake bit the farmers wife.

The wife caught a bad fever and the farmer knew the best way to treat a fever was with chicken soup. The farmer took his hatchet to the farmyard to get the soups main ingredient. The wife got sicker and friends and neighbours came by to take turns sitting with her round the clock. The farmer knew he had to feed them, so he butchered the pig. The farmer's wife did not get better, in fact she died and so many friends and family came to her funeral that the farmer had to slaughter the bull to feed all of them.

So the next time we hear that one of us is facing a problem and think it does not concern or affect us, let us remember that when any one of us is in trouble, we are all at risk

Footprints on sand

One night a man had a dream.

He dreamed : he was walking along the beach with God & across the sky flashed scenes from his life.

For each scene he noticed 2 sets of footprints in the sand, One belonged to him and the other to God.

When the last scene of his life flashed before them, he looked back at the footprints in the sand.

He noticed that many a times along the path of life, there was only 1 set of footprints.

He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest saddest times in his life.

This really bothered him and he questioned God about it.

He asked in a bit complaining voice:
"God,u said once, u would walk with me all the way, so I decided to follow you, but I noticed that during the most troublesome time in my life there was only one set of footprints. I don't understand why in times when I needed u the most, u left me."

God smiled and replied :
"My precious child, I love u & I would never never leave u alone.
During your times of trials and suffering. When u see only one set of footprint, it was me who carried u in my hands."

Reason why never visit a 5 * Hotel

Question : " What would you like to have ..Fruit juice, Soda, Tea, Chocolate, Milo, or Coffee?"
Answer: "tea please "
Question : " Ceylon tea, Herbal tea, Bush tea, Honey bush tea, Ice tea or green tea ?"
Answer : "Ceylon tea "
Question : "How would you like it ? Black or white ?"
Answer: "white"
Question: "Milk, Whitener, or Condensed milk ? "
Answer: "With milk "
Question: "Goat milk, Camel milk or cow milk"
Answer: "With cow milk please.
Question: " Milk from Freeze land cow or Afrikaner cow?"
Answer: " Um, I'll take it black. "
Question: " Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey? "
Answer: "With sugar"
Question: " Beet sugar or cane sugar ?"
Answer: "Cane sugar "
Question:" White , brown or yellow sugar ?"
Answer: "Forget about tea just give me a glass of water instead."
Question: "Mineral water or still water ? "
Answer: "Mineral water"
Question: "Flavored or non-flavored ?"
Answer: "I'll rather die of thirst"

Sunday, June 1, 2008

Apples

A for apple
B for bada apple
C for chhota apple
D for dusra apple
E for ek aur apple
F for fokat ka apple
G for gol apple
H for hazar apple
I for itney saarey apple?
J for jaao nahi khaana hai apple
K for kaise nahi khaayengey apple
L for lena padhega tumko apple
M for mujhe nahi chahiye itne apple
N for naa nahi kehtey kyunkey yeh hai apple
O for Oh to tumne khaa daale yeh saare apple
P for peth bhar Ke khaao apple
Q for qismat mein nahi hoti hai sabke, yeh apple
R for roz agar khaao tum apple
S for sehetmand rahoge khaaogey agar tum apple
T for tumko nahi milengey itney achey apple
U for udhaar kii nahi hai yeh apple
V for very tasty hai yeh apple
W for waste na karo time aur khaalo jaldi se apple
X for X'mas mei bhii khane padenge apple
Y for youn na chehra phero dekhkey apple
Z for zaroor dil bhar gaya hoga khake itne saare apple

I feared love
Until it touched my heart, Making the darkness fade Into endless sunny days.
************ ***
I feared ridicule
Until I learned how To laugh at myself.
************ ***
I feared growing old
Until I realized that I gained wisdom every day.
************ ***
I feared the future
Until I realized that Life just kept getting Better.
************ ***
I feared the past
Until I realized that It could no longer hurt me .
************ ***
I feared the dark
Until I saw the beauty Of the starlight.
************ ***
I feared the light
Until I learned that the Truth would give me Strength.
************ ***
I feared change
Until I saw that Even the most beautiful butterfly Had to undergo a metamorphosis Before it could fly .